The Tea Bag Chronicles
Terrorist Tea Bags
Of course, the world changed early in September 2001. Like everybody else, I tried
to make sense of it. It was hard to try to write anything, but I had to view the situation
as it affected my town. I cried a bit as I wrote this one, but not since.
This one could also be called "Leroy's Rehabilitation" as he showed a bit of class behind
his customary sorry-ass self.
Late September 2001.
Well, it's not been much fun around here lately. Everybody
seems to be walking around in a daze. Mr. Trout down at the
appliance store turned all 16 TV's to CNN last Tuesday, and
everybody came down to watch. Seeing the same things happen
over and over again 16 times in parallel was a bit more than
we could take.
Leroy and Andrew arrived about noon, not being what you
would call morning people. The combination of sadness and
anger was too much even for them, and they left after a
while. They stopped at Manoor's grocery on the way home.
Leroy noticed an out-of-county pickup in the parking lot.
He recognized Jerry Roberts, from his high school football
days. Jerry was always known for late hits and generally
dirty play. Jerry and his buddy were drinking beer and
pointing at the store's sign. Leroy was a bit concerned,
since Mr. Manoor didn't sell beer, so something was up. He
and Andrew went on in.
As he wandered through the aisles, Leroy thought about Mr.
Manoor. He remembered that Mr. Manoor had provided
Thanksgiving dinner for the children's home for the last few
years. He had also provided Leroy with groceries "on
credit" in several cases of financial embarrassment. Leroy
knew that Mr. Manoor had dark skin and didn't attend any of
the local churches, but he didn't really know where Mr.
Manoor had come from ten years ago.
Just then Jerry burst through the door, and pointed at Mr.
Manoor, who was restocking the Little Debbie display in
aisle 4. "There he is!", he said, and started running in
Leroy was in the auto supply aisle, and he noticed the fire
extinguisher mounted on the end of the shelves.
He did not pull the plastic ring.
He did not squeeze the lever.
He did not aim at the base of the fire.
He did smoothly and smartly bring up the fire extinguisher
to the level of Jerry's forehead.
With a satisfying "Clonk" Jerry assumed a horizontal sliding
position and plowed feet first into the display on aisle 3,
and was immediately covered with an avalanche of Slim Jims
and Beef Jerky.
His buddy, following close behind, stopped and stood up
straight at the sight. This was a tactical error.
Andrew, having grabbed a push broom, made his best major
league swing and clipped him in the back of the knees. The
guy hit the floor, bouncing his head off the linoleum.
Andrew was quickly there to empty most of his 64 oz
Combination Grape/Strawberry Slurpee into his face, saving
only enough to douse the guy's crotch and destroy what
little was left of his dignity.
Deputy Jimmy came to collect the miscreants, and Leroy and
Andrew headed home. They had fresh Slurpees, "on the
A mile down the road, Leroy said "Assholes!".
I'm not sure who he was referring to, there are lots of
candidates these days.
A mile or so later, Andrew said " I know I'm a few years
late, but I think I'll register for the draft tomorrow."
I ran a batch of tea bags though the wringer, and got the
1. Soon, every special interest lobbying group in the
country will be using the tragic events to push their own
cause. The line for Federal handouts will be long and well
2. The US public's aversion to casualties has been
overstated. The problem was an aversion to casualties
without a clear threat to the US. This is no longer a
3. My favorite newsgroups are full of has-beens,
never-was's, amateurs and nut cases. The current occupiers
of the tip of the spear are to busy to talk to us now. We
old farts must accept that the young studs are in charge. (
And I think they will handle it just fine.)
4. Although virtually none of today's US military served in
VietNam, they have read the book and seen the movie.
5. I suspect that the Pentagon has both books about recent
Afghanistan history and maps available. They are probably
not reading SMN and RAM for tips.
6. So far, in public, GWB has acted just as any of the
Presidents in the last 50 years would have. It will be
years before we have a true picture of his competence in
Bob McKellar - Comments welcome at
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Copyright © 2001 Bob McKellar